Tuesday night, August 17 - Estes Park

We're home from San Diego. Yeah! It was a bittersweet, melancholy, stressful trip for me, and I think for Jim too. He did walk to the beach twice, the Sunday we were first there, and Friday before we left, other than that, he was in bed most of the time.

He doesn't have much pain from the tumor, he has pain from the liquid building up in his stomach. On Monday afternoon, they drained about 2000 ml from his tummy, about 6 pounds of liquid, and the doc thinks there is probably twice that still left. We go back in tomorrow afternoon to have some more drained. Though this makes him feel better is also makes him weak, and dehydrated feeling. His weight is down to 169. He eats almost nothing, though he likes plain popsicles and canned pears this week.

We continue to finish up legal and financial "things" as much as is possible.. I can't tell you there is anything good or easy about any of this stuff. Everything we do is a constant reminder that Jim's life is ending. I was ok yesterday, and then three times today I've just cried in public over small things. When I let down my guard, and the reality sweeps over me the pain is drop to your knees, catch your breath, painful.

I am trying to rehab my torn achilles and also work off some anxiety and stress by swimming and lap walking at the pool. It is the one place I feel really good, something about the water buffering everything is so awesome and peaceful.

Today Jim's son's came up for dinner and to see their dad. It was really nice. Jim was in bed but Matt and Kevin and Lily ate in the room with him which was good for all of them.

I got an email from Jackie Williamson, the Clerk for the Town of Estes, wanting to let me know that the town wants to recognize Jim for all of his contributions to the community. The Town is
planning some kind of morning reception next week. I have decided that the memorial to Jim will be in the form of a scholarship to a senior who has made contributions to his community and has overcome a difficult life situation. This will be in support of Jim's involvement with the Restorative Justice Program here in Estes Park. Jim's whole life has been dedicated to making things better for kids. I think this will be a nice on-going program to honor what his life stands for.

Good night to all of you - thanks for the food, the kind words of support, the prayers, and the poignant ways you are comforting all of us. Dawn